A Month Without Bacon

Random smatterings of my life, mostly dealing with food, athletics, and the lack of fucks that invade my life.

Finally Healthy (mostly)

So yeah I lifted while recovering from being ill last week, I did ok. I didn’t feel great, I was working hard with numbers that should have been SO hard, but it is all in the body getting back to normal. Today was better, numbers are great BUT i had much more energy, and desire, to train.

So I’m trying to get back to skating tonight, first time on skates in 3.5 months. Clearly not contact but…here goes nothing!

Here is to not being in horrible pain tonight or tomorrow morning….


Weak? oh no SICK AF

I was going to skip a week of writing then get back to it, then I got sick. I am not talking a head cold, it was I could not swallow kind of sick. I’m still sick. The kind of sick where, as a 32 yr old woman, was HAPPY her Mom and Dad gave me no choice, came up on Tuesday night, stayed over night, and my Mom then stayed until 3 pm the next day. I am thankful they were willing and able to do so. My throat was so sore not being able to swallow sucked, spitting into a gatorade bottle was preferential. My Dad asked why, and I replied “If swallowing is going to be excruciating work, it better count.”

Yeah I know, left myself open for SO MANY BURNS RIGHT THERE


I missed 3 full days of work, then worked a savage half day, then made it until 2:30 pm on Friday. I am here at 8 am and I actually want coffee today. At least I was smart enough to not pass on this plague, it is the WORST. The gym should return tomorrow, after a full week off. Sick AF, Weak AF, fucking same shit everyday…


I just can’t even, yes lifting is a slow, committed grind but I AM SO DONE WITH THIS WEEK AND MY WEAKNESS. My running is good, although it helps with recovery and body composition, my main concern is getting my strength back, which is a longer process. I also could go for a nap. I am grumptastic. Add the yard work, it is like the never ending growing list I’ll never make any progress on, and add to it carpal tunnel garbage effecting all the things….

My face right now


Day 2: WEAK AF

I have completed 2 days of the 4 per week of this power lifting program. I will end up hitting the gym 5-6 per week, but those extra days are on my own to plan. It includes no cardio, so I do cardio after my lifting set each day. I have run, nothing extensive or super strenuous, but I’m getting there. It isn’t so much as being out of cardio shape, it is not piling onto the hip too much.

Today was lots of squatting. My numbers are pathetic. I’m sad, angry, frustrated, and really almost embarrassed. I worked so damn hard for 155-165 working sets with a 205 Max, I can barely do 6×6 at 135 after a 2 set ramp up. Healing is important but fuck, this is why I’m pissed and ornery. I’ve been slowly declining, and NOT maintaining, for 5 months, being over it is an understatement.  I feel like I’m back when I broke my ankle, except with better form, sad little weak bitch…

So much pain, and none of it DOMS. FAIL.


Tubbie McFat Pants here to warn you about the dangers of not lifting heavy

I’m a fat ass. I have been working out, my dietary choices have not been great or consistent (but not terrible, I do cook), and I haven’t been skating. I also have laid off the dead lifting and squatting and box jumps and running. This equation has left me with more than a pound or two extra, and feeling fucking shitty as hell about it. 6 months fuckers, 6 goddamn months. I went to put an outfit together for a friend’s wedding, and ending yelling constantly until I went to bed about how awful I look, how nothing fits, and that, really, even with minimal effort I STILL GAINED TOO MUCH FUCKING WEIGHT (and I’m calling it, no gains whatsoever, don’t even look at my lifting numbers). I am doing sprints on the stair machine in between every damn set, hitting goals for activity and not going over calorie limits, yet here I sit….

MFW I checked the scale this morning at 5 am

For real, I’m over it. Fucking.over.it. I did squat today. Not too heavy, pretty pathetic really 5×5 for 135 when my 1RM thanksgiving of ’16 was 205, and my working sets were nearing 165 as recently as late April (just prior to injury). Since the hip isn’t really responding with any goddamn speed or scale after being nice to it, PT, and resting A TON, it can eat a huge back of crusty dicks. Deadlifts, box jumps, running, squatting OH MY! I’m DONE. When I return from a long weekend in CT for this wedding, I’m starting a power lifting program. I may not be skating or contact yet (or ever who the fuck knows anymore), but after 6 months, I am so done with the lazy, modified, do nothing bitch routine. DONE.

Notice to my hip when it decides to ache for no reason: bitch I am now GIVING YOU ONE.


Set backs

This past weekend,  I gathered help and moved two very larger dressers upstairs. My parents gave me their old bedroom set, which is 40 yrs old and in pristine condition. This allowed me to NOT have to buy another set for the guest room, and use their set for my room. Yeah yeah the waterfall style sets I was finding were great, but I’d rather save my money and buy something I need rather than being a stuffy jerk and saying NO to a perfectly good, and high quality, bedroom set. There are two large dressers, a long one and an upright. The long one was just awkward, not super heavy, and we needed help to move that first, for if it didn’t fit up the stairs, to hell with the rest of the set. It went up just fine. The upright, on the other hand, was the problem. It is HEAVY AS HELL. 3 grown men, and me, it was interesting getting it up that small stairway (which turns). During this, I went low, like a dead lift. Yes, although heavy, I handled it fine, it was my hip that didn’t. Of course it popped, and very painfully at that. I was hobbled the rest of the day. Ok fine…iced it and took Monday off from the gym.

Tuesday I go to the gym and my hip is…ok, but when I attempted to run (first time in months, and only at like 5.5 for like 2 minutes), hip was ok, but behind the knee patella pain popped up, thankfully intermittent while I finished my workout and gone since. I then tried to dig out the rose bush under my spigot, which is turning out to be a layered nightmare of shit and harder than the one next to the garage. Again, in some decent pain. So no gym Wednesday OR Thursday (today).

What it feels like, when you are on point, but oh wait…fuck, that’s a negative, ghost rider…


Today is my last PT appointment, and I am just concerned about going forward. yes, progress was slow and I was improved, but one time and I feel like I started over. There is no full contact/impact, but since the tear is not because of dead lifting, I hope it is just because I made the healing area angry rather than actually repeat damage.  It just sucks I’ve been restricted/in pain/not training as hard or training how I want since the end of APRIL. I AM FUCKING OVER IT. I have 0 gains, I am lucky that I’m not a tubby cow and been able to minimally maintain the strength ( So far) that I had. Haven’t been able to train on the better part of 5 months…and hitting people is frowned upon….

PT, insurance games, and the pick axe

PT has helped in the last 6 weeks.  I have had 3 different PTs, one because she was leaving the company after my intake, the second was the replacement, the third was because the second was on vacation, and I stuck with her because she was clearly amazing. Come to find out, she used to be the trainer for derby when it was up at rainbow rink..so she understands not just my injury, but how it happened and what I want to get back to.

So, they had to reauthorize with my insurance, since they said I was ok’ed for 8 visits (4 weeks). I go this week, and they said I was authorized for an additional 2. Not 2 weeks, but 2 visits. Smarmy fucks.  Yeah two more visits (or one week) is gonna be SO MUCH of a difference. PT works through visits, and over time.  Of course, if the patient can walk/sit/etc they are full healed. Bull shit, I’m healing, and its improving, but I feel like I could benefit from another 4 weeks (even though paying for it isn’t ideal, I am fortunate enough to be able to afford it). Even the office said that they attempt to advocate, but it is no use and my provider is the most difficult to work with. I’m lucky this is a minor injury (of sorts), and that I’m at least doing my exercises outside of my appointments.

How I would like to chat with my insurance carrier….

So, I have one last appointment next week, and then she has a personal trainer, who is also a PT, to refer me to. He doesn’t take insurance (as if my coverage would approve visits, PSHHH), so I hope to god I can afford him, if not….No idea.

Bright side: I have been pick axing my yard, and pulling/digging it out with lots of success, although progress is very very slow. My hip is mostly agreeing with the work, too! It does get angry, and weird, but less and less over time. My PT laughed at me though, “What do you mean pick axe the yard?”

Oh and I have to tell my dad he isn’t getting it back, it works so well and is my favorite garden tool (so far).





Me coming into the first day of classes


COME AT ME WITH YOUR SNAPCHAT I DARE YOU *me dealing with students in my parking lot*

Productive weekend, which is good. gym 4 days not 5 because I forgot to plan around my 7 am PT appointment (oops). This week is planned out, most meal prep done. I’m not looking forward to fighting for parking until December. Still feeling a bit chubby….guhhh




For my crimes, I deserve punishment.

Last week I was exhausted. I’m not talking about one day, I mean all week. I went to bed early (9:30), I got up late almost 7:30. In the evenings I barely finished my laundry and cleaning the house. The house is bigger than my old apartment but, it is just me and it isn’t like I make a huge disastrous mess. I didn’t go to the gym at all, not once. I had pizza at least 4x, and between Saturday and Sunday night, ate 2 sleeves of oreos (of 3 in a pack). I killed a pint of cashew milk snicker doodle ice cream.  I invoked, and emanated, a true Trash Panda. My charges are both grave and spread over a long time.

How I feel about myself this morning

My only shining achievement was that I did do some serious yard work: digging, pick axing, clearing the garage, mowing, bagging, etc in prep for my pretty bulbs that are coming in soon. This was hard work, I won’t deny it. I did it meh, 2 days during the week, and both Saturday and Sunday. I did go back to the gym this morning, and felt like a bloated walrus trying to run on sand.  I need a nap.


Not writing as much BUT still writing

So, workouts suck right now. Part of it is because of modifying for my hip, and I hate it and I feel lazy, the other part is my body is a being a douche (OH YA SURPRISE..not really).  Eating is almost back to a normal standard, but again will go off the rails when I drive to CT this weekend. Oh well, the harder I try the more I just shruggie and start over the week after. All in all, I’m keeping par and that is better than a serious backslide. My lack of enthusiasm for shit right now is..palatable…

This Trash Panda just going through the motions and eating Friend Green Tomato ships…SUE ME